I love my friend Katrina Delarosa. This picture of her is symbolic of her future. She will lead on a path that isn't well traveled.

I remember meeting her over eight years ago. At the time we didn't really like each other. Or I probably didn't like her because I saw her as this cheerleader type who didn't share in the already cynical world view that I had.

But a crazy thing happened, we became friends. Some how we met in the middle and have changed the others person's life in many ways. We are intimate friends, meaning we know the other's heart. I don't often let people be intimate with me.

She has a long hard journey ahead, however it's one with many rewards. Kat loves God and loves the world. She will love others and in the process teach them how to love. This is something she has already taught me.

Last night Eric and I went out to the Brassiere in downtown Portland. When we had talked earlier in the day he told me that he would pick me up at 6:45pm and that I should be nicely dressed. Our destination was a suprise.

We ended up having a nice quiet dinner at a unique French restaurant. One of the great things about where we dined was that all the art was large crayon drawings. While this was an upscale place, they provide a way for each patron to connect by providing crayons and a table clothe of paper.

At the end of our meal, as we were surrounded by many a youth dinning before their prom, we exchanged notes. My was a bit racy and I expected him to return in kind, however the above is what he wrote. It made me smile.

 

Today while placing my books back on their shelves I felt compelled to pick up my first bible. It's a beat up, dark green, leather bound book that was given to me on Christmas 1996. As you can see it's a life application bible, which means that in addition to the actual biblical text, there are interpretations at the bottom of each page.

I flipped through it thinking about how this bible represents the Christianity of my past. I recently had a conversation with a couple of friends and shared with them that I haven't read the bible in a long time. Growing up I was taught to read the bible in a certain way, meaning literally. As I shared this with my friends, I explained that I felt I couldn't read the bible until I stopped approaching as it is a manual to be taken apart bit by bit. I need to erase the program that interprets it literally before I can pick up this amazing piece of literature again.

There are multiple pieces of paper sticking out of my bible. Mostly miscellaneous writings from various church related activities. They book mark the passages to which the are referring. Throughout out the book are my underlines and briefs writings on my thoughts, as well as doodles made in boredom. And at the very back, on the blank pages, there is something special. A brief note to myself, a kind of reminder. I have read and reread it several time over the years and each time I do it means something different. In fact, I'm still not entirely sure what it means, but I don't doubt the truth it communicates. This is what I wrote on August 3, 1998:

Today God told me during worship that I would be a teacher of his word.

the Portland night life 

I just bought a bumper sticker. As stated before I sincerely dislike having them on my car, but this time I could not resist. The bumper sticker says:

WTFWJD?

I submitted my Peace Corps application, so now we'll see what happens.

http://www.ifamericansknew.org/

FUCK! After reading this and a weblog that was recently shared with me, I have a really hard time respecting Christians and their zionist attitudes even more. I know that something like this is meant to educate, but it mostly makes me sick and angry. It makes me resent. If possible, I am even more bitter about our government and the stupid, self centered christian right.

 

 

What if we are all a part of God? What if s/he is not really separate from us, but instead we are all the same, making a bigger picture that is God? What if good and evil doesn't live outside of us but instead we create it based on our choices? As each of us makes a choice, the consequences of that choice ripple into the fabric of what we all are. What if Jesus, being God's son, was less of a deity, and was instead someone who understood the fabric? And what if because he simply understood he could approach the without fear? Therefore he was able to command the sea, walk on water and raise from the dead; he understood that he could and didn't fear. What if he was love, pure love? What if instead of trying to "save" us he was trying to show us?

I finally finished my Peace Corps application. I have yet to turn it in because I have to provide them the names of three recommendations.

The whole idea of making this step forward scares me, but if I don't I'll regret.

As a side note, I really want to thank Kelly for editing my essays.

this gets me through 

Today one of my kiddos, who's twelve, admitted to sexually abusing eight other children. This included a deaf kid in his current foster home. He admitted to specifically learning sign language so he could coerce this other child.

 

Last night I purchased the Garden State Soundtrack. Not because it is currently the cool thing to do, but because there are some really great songs on it.

On our way back to Eric's house I opened it up and popped it in. When we arrived I still wanted to listen, so I sat in the car for several minues. It was a moment of simple enjoyment.

As I listened, each song made me picture the scene to which it belonged in the movie. It made me feel euphoric listening to the music and recalling the feelings that were felt while watching that particular scene. I smiled.

I started to think about how our lives could be told by songs that made an impact. There are times when I am sitting in the car, a certain song comes on and I am transported. Those are precious moments.