There is a conspiracy a foot. It seems that everywhere there are songs, videos or conversations with friends that make me want to cry. I sit here crying right now as I listen to a song about a little boy who buys his dying mother a pair of shoes on Christmas Eve.

I recently mentioned the swing in my emotions to some coworkers. It was suggested that this is due to pregnancy. I assure all readers of this entry that I am not pregnant. I think that something may be changing in my heart. I think maybe I am starting to believe in God once again.

Yesterday Joel and I were in the car listening to Christmas music on a local radio station. This in and of itself is a big deal for me, because I usually refuse to listen to Christmas music. Anyway, one of my favorite songs came on the radio - O Holy Night. I started crying. The lyrics always get to me:

Fall on your knees! Oh, hear the angel voices!
O night divine, the night when Christ was Born;
O night, O holy night, O night divine!

I don't know why but the imagery touches me some place very deep. It was in that moment that I knew I had started to believe again.

Then tonight Joel and I joined Kat and Carter for the first Sunday of Advent. We talked about Hope. For the visual part of the evening we watched Disney's A Christmas Carol, Pluto's Christmas and The Little One. The former two videos are enjoyable, but it was the latter that made me cry once again. It's about a boy who loves his donkey, Little One. Unfortunately, the donkey is no longer able to work very hard so the boy's father tells him to sell the donkey in town. Naturally the boy wants to find a new owner who will love his pet as much as he does. He searches all day, but the only person who will buy Little One is a man who wants to turn his donkey's hide into leather. Just as the little boy gives up he is approached by a man who asks if he can buy the donkey. The man promises to take good care of Little One, so the boy agrees. Little One is meant to carry the man's wife. Man and wife are Joseph and Mary heading to Bethlehem.

I started to cry at the end. I felt like an idiot. I really hate to cry in front of people so I played it off as much as I could. When we got in the car I admitted to Joel that I had started to cry.

I'm still crying. I don't know what it all means, but somethings changing.